in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Banned from zoo.
Again?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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