I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
