Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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