Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
