woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
