im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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