Fine. I'll sleep in my office
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
