I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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