matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
