Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
