Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
