So drunk its hurt
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
