You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
