Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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