I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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