Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
