I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
