I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize