I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
operation harelip BJ is a go
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
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