I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
