worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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