got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
