First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.