Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
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Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
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If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks