One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
