I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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