Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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