just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
