I have demons in me.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
