So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
