Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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