Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
