so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
