first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
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Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
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Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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