high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
