There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
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The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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