Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I just found puke in my bra..
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
