and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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