i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
