I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
