this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
