a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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