we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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