i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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