please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Randomize
