those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
