i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
