I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
