If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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