The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
