I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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