why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
i now understand why vodka
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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