nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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