yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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