If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
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