How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
