I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
