hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
