My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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