i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
