Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
