How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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