guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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