One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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